I need some advice

[ignika42]

I've had a rough recent turn of events, and even though most of the time I just lurk here, I couldn't think of a better group of people to ask for advice.

A couple days ago, my dad started an argument with me because I was about five minutes late leaving to go to the college class I had that night, and it quickly devolved into being about how apparently I am the worst person who ever was, is, or will ever be. By the time it was over, I had said enough back to him that he was mad enough to hit me, and he threatened to multiple times, followed by telling me to get the hell out and find my own place to live....

So, I did, I told my best friend about it, and he immediately suggested I come stay with him and his parents, they've got a large house with plenty of extra room for my few clothes and computer, and on top of that, he can get me a job where he works.

There is only one problem, I live in Florida, and he lives in Minnesota, so I need a way from here to there, looked into both bus and plane tickets, and apparently plane is actually cheaper in addition to far faster, so that is the way I'm planning to go, however, I haven't been able to find a job in over a year, and even though my mom would help me get the ticket, neither she or my dad have been able to have a job in over 6 years, so money is quite a bit of an issue. I have one or two other friends who I have asked for help, but also don't have it to give.

I have a couple more people who I could ask, but beyond that, I have no idea how I'm going to get the money, I looked into loans, but every one I found wants me to already have a job, which I can understand them wanting to be sure they'd get their money back, but if I had a job I wouldn't need their money in the first place. A lot of people recommend pawning stuff, which if I had anything of value, would work, but I don't.

Most every other way I've seen to get the money would take far too long, time is critical since although my mom convinced my dad to let me come back and look for a place instead of leaving with nothing, the slightest thing will send him on another rampage, so that could end at any time. Also, as it is now the job once I get to MN is a sure thing, but my friend can't keep it open forever, so I need to get there as fast as I can.

Any advice any of you can give as to how I can make the ticket money would be extremely appreciated.


TLDR: I need advice on making nearly $200 within the next few days to escape my psycho father before I am rendered homeless.

[abzu93]

I've had a rough recent turn of events, and even though most of the time I just lurk here, I couldn't think of a better group of people to ask for advice.

Ugh, that is a hairy situation. I've been in a few myself and the way I got through it was to just be disciplined and think in terms of what I could afford to lose, and what exactly I needed to do next.

It's tough but here's what I would do:

Craigslist / Sell entertainment items you have. I know it's hard, but this is a survival issue, and survival comes first. You have a job waiting for you, so you will easily recoup what you lost in the move in as short as a month or so.

And / Or What you can't get in pawn, get from your mother if she is willing. Pay her back as soon as you can.

Or - Eat crow and meet your dad on his terms. Most people capitulate if you meet them halfway. It may not be like that at all, but if that path is open, it will give you more time and possibly save an assload of money on future therapy sessions.

I sincerely hope that helps.

[redrew89]

A couple days ago, my dad started an argument with me because I was about five minutes late leaving to go to the college class I had that night, and it quickly devolved into being about how apparently I am the worst person who ever was, is, or will ever be. By the time it was over, I had said enough back to him that he was mad enough to hit me, and he threatened to multiple times, followed by telling me to get the hell out and find my own place to live....

As someone who has had similar issues with my own father, I can say that, from my own experience, that, while he might have a rather fucked way of showing it, his concerns are for you are genuine, and that he only wants to be sure that you will succeed. Five minutes late to class might seem petty, but it's one of those things that shows a pattern of behavior that, whether you believe it or not, could become a problem later in life.

If you really feel that moving out is the best solution, by all means, do what you gotta do, but also bear in mind that people, especially parents, tend to say things in the heat of emotion that they may not mean, entirely. Again, I can't say anything with certainty, as I don't personally know your father, the situation, all of what was said, or any other relevant information.

TL;DR - Trust your instincts, but also let your heart have a say in this. It's a big change to consider, and you may end up regretting your choice, later on.

Spoiler

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Personal experience: When I was between 13 and 16 years old, my father and I had numerous arguments about how I spent most of my free time on the computer. By the time I was 18, and graduated high school, he had accepted that technology was a passion of mine, and even helped me get through college. To this day, he and I have an understanding that, despite our differences in opinions, there is mutual respect. After all, this is a man who's raised 6 children, including myself, and has had hell dealing with 2 of them, in particular, not including myself.

[tom_savage]

Like said before, even though your father doesn't always show it in the best way. He obviously cares for you. I can think of plenty of people who know buttons to push enough to make me want to hit them. Generally, the people you love the most can infuriate you the quickest. The fact that he didn't hit you, shows even more how much he cares for you. I'm in no way saying you shouldn't go find a new place to live. Getting out on your own is always good for growth. But, despite how much you think you know, generally your parents DO know best. Multiple times in my life I've looked back and thought: "Damn, my parents DID know what the hell they were talking about. Life would have been much easier if I had listened."

Parents aren't perfect. You both obviously said some things you didn't mean. It's definitely a relationship worth trying to patch. My Dad is crazy as well, but I'm glad we've worked out our differences enough that we can still be civil to one another. (He also told me to get the hell out of his house, but I was 16.)

Also. I wouldn't mention that you put this up on the internet.

[DaveYanakov]

Scattered around the country are various day labour services, particularly around large cities. It's crap work and first come first serve as far as positions go but if you only need a couple hundred bucks you should be able to pull it off in a short period of time. The chain I am familiar with is Labor Ready. You can find out if there is a local branch at http://www.laborready.com/Temporary-Employment. There are other temp agencies out there but this sort of day labour is going to get you the quickest results as long as you're able to show up when the doors open in the very early moning and say yes to any job that comes in. If your friends and family can chip in ten or twenty bucks that may also help pave the way to getting up north more quickly.

I wouldn't worry about trying to patch a relationship right away. Sometimes the best thing for all parties is a fresh start and if you have a job waiting for you, I'd focus on that. Be who you are and let the world deal with it. As long as who you are isn't a full on asshole, things have a tendency to work out. Best of luck and I hope we see you back here soon.

[ignika42]

Thanks guys, looks like I am going to have the money, now I've just gotta try to keep the peace until he gets a couple details worked out on his end. He had another tantrum last night, but not nearly as bad as what happened before I originally posted this, so maybe things will hold together long enough.

While I hate that all this crap with my dad keeps happening, it's actually pretty exciting to have this whole new life opening up to me, he's made me feel like crap my entire life, but now I'm finally going to escape him, have a job, and be with people who actually treat me like a human being.

Thanks again, being able to ask for advice about this kind of stuff is just one more reason why this community is so amazing.

[Psion]

As someone going through pretty much exactly the same situation, only I've barely managed to keep him calm enough to keep me in the house while i finish collage, I can say that from my own experience, it isn't necessarily true that he's acting that way out of misguided caring for you. It's a possibility, of course, but you should also be open to the possibility that he truly doesn't care about you. My own father has up and told me in one fit of rage that he doesn't love me, and my mother has also said the same in her own fit of rage, that she hasn't loved me since i was a little kid.

It hurt like hell being told that, especially since my only "crimes" are enjoying video games, being gay, and not going outside enough. I try to do well in school, i don't drink or smoke, I help around the house, and more, yet apparently it's not enough, and I've had to accept that nothing will ever be enough for them short of denying everything i am, and that's no way to live, for anyone.

I think you should just reflect on your life, and decide whether it's better for you to suck it up and try to keep on your fathers good side, or to strike it out on your own. It looks like you're choosing the scarier, yet probably better option, of living on your own. To that, i say kudos, and good luck. I personally think you're making the better decision, and you shouldn't feel like you've let your father down. If anything , he's the one who's failed. Sadly, it seems like conflicts between parents and kids these days, and i suspect it might be partly from changing times. In their day, you could get a job out of high school, make a life for yourself, and live fairly well off. These days, it feels like you can't survive unless you stay in college until your like 30, and even then have to swallow debts that will stay with you for years if not decades, and that's IF you're working part to full time on top of school. I think many parents haven't realized just how much more difficult it is to survive on one's own now, and so they are misled into thinking their kids are worthless leechers that are too lazy to get out of the house. :/

It doesn't excuse them for treating you that way, but it does possibly explain some of it. I know that I've learned the hard way though that family isn't blood, but love. Stick with those you care about and who care for you in return, and you can't go wrong.

[dawnraider]

I have had a rather stressed relationship with my mom since I was 8, but to keep my cool with her, I have tried to see things from her perspective, and then accommodate to her needs so that we can go on without major issues. I had a rathar recent argument with her, but most times the best option is to, like has been said before, meet halfway. However, if that is not possible or has been tried and hasn't worked, just do some day work and leave to your friend in MN.