When im feeling down...

[finite8]

well to top things off my dad just called me and told me my cat died. :(

Awww. I feel sorry for you.

At least your dad told you. I came home for a holiday (3 hour trip between my place and theirs) and i got home while they were in town. I spent a good 30 minutes wandering around yelling out "Cassey! CASSEEEEYYYYY!".

an hour later when they finally came home, i asked "Where's Cassey"

"Oh, she died. Sorry. Was really sad. Liver failure. We found her with Maggots in her mouth. We took her to the Vet and we put her down"

*sniff* I'm still pissed about that.

[duartemad]

Smoke some weed or play videogames

[TheAnarchitect]

Well there's two ways to take the question. The first is "what do I do to cope with being sad?" and the second is "what do I do to stop being sad?"

To cope with being sad, or stressed, I go to sleep. Seriously, I just sleep it off. Everything looks better with 10 hours of continuous sleep under your belt, especially if you're like me and 4 hours a night is the norm.

To stop being sad, I start a new project. Something that gets me a sense of accomplishment. Feeling like I've done something to improve the world around me, even if it's as simple as painting a room, gets me out of depressions.

[Larmantine]

Smoke some weed

I just don't understand people who like doing it. Why? Why use drugs? Too risky. Rather just get drunk and in worst case scenario you will puke.

[TheAnarchitect]

Are you actually interested, or are you passing judgement? Either way, this probably isn't the place to discuss illegal drug use, even if it is off topic.

[Larmantine]

Are you actually interested, or are you passing judgement? Either way, this probably isn't the place to discuss illegal drug use, even if it is off topic.

Agreed.

[Elevatator]

Spoiler

Show

Weed is not (totally) forbidden in all countrys of the world. And alcohole is also a drug that can end deadly. Both can destroy your life. The main difference is: alcohole is legal in almost every country of the world.

Discussing sense and nonsense of that is something that is subjectively, and could cross the "no politics" rule.
( I always wonder how pandas threads derail in a weird and propably unexpected way)

Back to topic: I always try to look at the bright side of life, the universe and everything. But this does not help very much in many situations. And so I do nothing against it and just wait it out, until the deadline, where I have to do something against it.

[duartemad]

Smoke some weed

I just don't understand people who like doing it. Why? Why use drugs? Too risky. Rather just get drunk and in worst case scenario you will puke.

Alcohol hinders your health more than cannabis. I dont consider it a drug, people call it a drug because the government says it is. True you can puke if you smoke too much but I dont wake up on the other day with a headache, dehydration and a stomach ache... But it is just choises people make

[agentwiggles]

Smoke some weed

I just don't understand people who like doing it. Why? Why use drugs? Too risky. Rather just get drunk and in worst case scenario you will puke.

Not really here to debate about this, but I think its pretty safe to say that the worst case scenario with weed is a lot less horrible than the worst case scenario with alcohol.

[Anamirian]

I just try to ride it out. Sometimes there really isn't a reason behind it or a way to make it go away. The only real help is sleep.

[Dreambolt]

Music, and people to talk too, make yourself a good support base and you'll find no problem is too big. Though I have to figure it out, and a lot of the time it leads me down the path of "There's nothing you could do." or "You did all you reasonably could." So I just say fuck it and go on. The rest of the time I figure out what the problem is, (be it a person, an anxiety, or me just being a problem myself) and tackle from different angles it until you fix it or find bigger root problems. Then tackle the root problems, and eventually shit turns out for the better. :D

Edit: Also imagining eviscerating people who annoy me works wonders as well, but to your own discretion... I prefer swords and flanged maces, but really pick your own favorites ;)

[finite8]

To take a serious note on this:

The first step with Depression is identifying that you have depression. It comes in many forms, but one form that i am familiar with is Bipolar. My wife is Bipolar and it is damn hard to cope with. People have mood swings, but hers were extreme. She would normally be fine, and then the slightest disruption would set her off into a fit of rage. We could be going out for dinner and having a great time, with her in the most jumpy and hyper of moods and then if i forgot something completely unrelated, she would get so angry that the entire night would be over and us going separate ways or me chasing after her. Other times she would go entire weeks of just being down and out. She had seen several GP's and counsellors, all who had written it off as "Daddy issues".

She had seen so many people that she just gave up on getting help. Then she started cutting herself. She always did it on her upper arms o i couldn't see. If i approached her about it, it ended only in rage, followed by maybe a month of her being fine again as if it never happened. In fact, it got to the stage when she was pregnant, she cut her arm so badly she made an open wound. Convincing her to go to the after-hours clinic was one of the biggest battles of my life. It ended up needing stitches, and she insisted that she lie about how it happened to the doctor, but i was SO relieved when he called her on it. She agreed to go talk to her Obstetrician about it, and then she was sent to see a Psychiatrist who only needed one session to realise that she was Bipolar.

Things immediately improved. They figured our the right balance of medication to keep her even. And i don't mean even like the sterotypical drone you hear about, it evened her moods out. Stopped the huge highs that would be followed by the inevitable crash and the lows. Even more importantly, she now understands what it feels like to be sitting in the normal mood range, so now she can identify when she is entering a high or low and can adjust her medication or get help to stop it from spiralling out of control. She knows what triggers it, and now manages it. I can only imagine what would have happened it it continued unmedicated. I may very well have come home one day after work and find that Uni was just too much stress.

*shudder*. Long story short, observe yourself. If you find there is a particular pattern in your moods, that you can swing from extreme emotions without warning, don't just settle for a "Daddy issues" kind of solution. If you KNOW there is something wrong, don't let yourself be brushed off. Your own happiness, well-being and subsequently life is more important than that!

[BinoAl]

-snip-

Damn dude, I could never deal with that, from anyone. You're a better man than me

[finite8]

You're a better man than me

Don't say that dude. I lost a lot of friends, tears and sleep during those days. Just because you want to protect your own feelings and emotional state doesn't make you any lesser of a person. In many ways i took the cowards way out, refusing to protect myself because i was too scared about what might happen to her. I could go crazy (and probably very depressed too) thinking about it, so i try to avoid that line of thinking.

There is no shame in looking out for yourself. This statement should obviously be taken in moderation as the extremes can by somewhat nasty and volatile to those around you.

*sigh*

[MoRmEnGiL]

But seriously, daddy issues?? What kind of doctor shrugs off a patient like that?

Dude, I could diagnose it as a textbook case of bipolar disorder!

I cannot even begin to imagine what would it do to someone to be dismissed like that..

[FlowerChild]

Don't say that dude. I lost a lot of friends, tears and sleep during those days. Just because you want to protect your own feelings and emotional state doesn't make you any lesser of a person. In many ways i took the cowards way out, refusing to protect myself because i was too scared about what might happen to her. I could go crazy (and probably very depressed too) thinking about it, so i try to avoid that line of thinking.

There is no shame in looking out for yourself. This statement should obviously be taken in moderation as the extremes can by somewhat nasty and volatile to those around you.

*sigh*

I went through something similar with an SO that was into cutting. Anyways, just wanted to throw a "I can relate to what you went through" out there. One of the things that used to really get to me is that it would often be precipitated by arguments between us, which ultimately would wind up feeling like emotional blackmail ("don't get upset or she'll wind up hurting herself").

Striking the balance between self-preservation and wanting to help a loved one is exceedingly difficult. I'm still carrying a lot of baggage from that even though it ended close to a decade ago.

[SterlingRed]

In many ways i took the cowards way out, refusing to protect myself because i was too scared about what might happen to her. I could go crazy (and probably very depressed too) thinking about it, so i try to avoid that line of thinking.

There is no shame in looking out for yourself. This statement should obviously be taken in moderation as the extremes can by somewhat nasty and volatile to those around you.

*sigh*

I can't imagine going through that with a wife, has to be even worse that what I went through with my ex gf. I can relate to that man. The last two years of my university experience I describe as a "living nightmare" as I was dating a girl with borderline personality disorder and bipolar tendencies. After her fifth suicide attempt and my second run in with the cops I finally woke up and quit hiding her problems from her peers. I laid the responsibility for her in the hands of her parents and some school authorities and got the fuck out.
I still carry baggage from it, but the lesson of taking care of myself is one I won't forget.

("don't get upset or she'll wind up hurting herself").

And then you come across as apathetic and get bitched at for not understanding and being uncaring.

Edit: on topic, I did homework usually math related as a means of coping. It was logical, ordered, and the only thing that made sense in my world at the time.

[finite8]

But seriously, daddy issues?? What kind of doctor shrugs off a patient like that?

Dude, I could diagnose it as a textbook case of bipolar disorder!

I cannot even begin to imagine what would it do to someone to be dismissed like that..

I wish it was a joke. It was so fucked up. Looking back on it now makes me so god damn angry. I just wish i could walk back into their office with the diagnosis, shove it in their face and scream "DADDY ISSUES HUH???!!!".

I went through something similar with an SO that was into cutting. Anyways, just wanted to throw a "I can relate to what you went through" out there. One of the things that used to really get to me is that it would often be precipitated by arguments between us, which ultimately would wind up feeling like emotional blackmail ("don't get upset or she'll wind up hurting herself").

Striking the balance between self-preservation and wanting to help a loved one is exceedingly difficult. I'm still carrying a lot of baggage from that even though it ended close to a decade ago.

*Shudder*. I still remember her locking herself in the bathroom after an argument. It got to the point that it was just better to agree that it was my fault and direct her anger at me rather than allow her to get depressed or be angry at herself. Hell, I started believing it too i mean, the evidence that it was my fault stacked up, and there wasn't anyone to disagree. She would say sorry afterwards, but it was just better to ignore that... it hurt more to be made to feel better and then be cut down again. If you're feeling rock bottom, you can't go any lower. I guess my own recovery one she got better was doing some self-reflection and fixing a lot of that. I guess I'm lucky that my own head was screwed on enough to handle that task. I've often wondered if i should see someone, but I'm happy with my life and myself and other than regrets and bad memories, I'm as stable as i always was. It makes me sad to know that i could never do it again though. I'm happy with my life at the moment and i know that if it were to happen again, i would protect the kids and myself first.

That kind of baggage never fucking goes away.

[SterlingRed]

I guess I'm lucky that my own head was screwed on enough to handle that task. I've often wondered if i should see someone, but I'm happy with my life and myself and other than regrets and bad memories, I'm as stable as i always was.

I did see someone after and was told "you have been emotionally abused, good luck with that. Let us know if you need anything" Not in so many words but that was what the hour session boiled down to. I didn't go back.

[FlowerChild]

*Shudder*. I still remember her locking herself in the bathroom after an argument. It got to the point that it was just better to agree that it was my fault and direct her anger at me rather than allow her to get depressed or be angry at herself. Hell, I started believing it too i mean, the evidence that it was my fault stacked up, and there wasn't anyone to disagree. She would say sorry afterwards, but it was just better to ignore that... it hurt more to be made to feel better and then be cut down again. If you're feeling rock bottom, you can't go any lower. I guess my own recovery one she got better was doing some self-reflection and fixing a lot of that. I guess I'm lucky that my own head was screwed on enough to handle that task. I've often wondered if i should see someone, but I'm happy with my life and myself and other than regrets and bad memories, I'm as stable as i always was. It makes me sad to know that i could never do it again though. I'm happy with my life at the moment and i know that if it were to happen again, i would protect the kids and myself first.

That kind of baggage never fucking goes away.

Oh man...I can *so* relate to what you're saying above, especially with regards to internalizing it to avoid the problems, and then winding up with the belief that you're somehow defective and the source of the problems as a result. No matter how confident you are in your own soundness of mind, when that starts to stretch into months and years...you'll eventually break.

My own experiences with that stretching over years lead to what I now believe was a nervous breakdown, and me completely losing touch with who I was. It's only in the last couple of years that I've really started feeling like myself again and have been able to shake free of all the self doubt that resulted (and like I said, this all took place close to a decade ago). I thought I was a pretty tough individual having gone through military training and having weathered a number of rather rough and fucked up situations in my life, but I don't think anything can break you better than going through that kind of thing with someone you love.

So yeah man...big bro hugs there. It's been my belief ever since going through that, that insanity can actually be contagious with prolonged and intimate exposure.

[Dreambolt]

Well the only things I can comment on is that it's the extreme back an forth uf emotions that are able to crack anyone's sanity. Bravo that you two can talk about it even it's just on the internet, not an easy thing for most. And as for therapists and psychologist, there is so many bad ones, but the good ones exist. You just need to find one that fits, and sometimes that takes forever, but they exist.

[Elensaar]

I can so relate to what you guys are saying. Had a very similar experience with an ex, complete with emotional blackmail and feeling like somehow her problems and selfabuse were my fault... She too had some bipolar tendencies, though she was mostly depressed. She was also anorectic and at times downright suicidal. I put 4 years of my life into that relationship, and learned all too fast that the "best" solution was to hold it in and accept the blame - otherwise it would only get worse. Then, after I had driven myself into what ended up as a three-year long period of social anxiety and panic attacks, she dumped me 8 years ago. Then started showing up on my doorstep every other night for 4 months, threatening to harm herself if I didn't take her back. In the end I too had to learn the lesson of self-preservation, called her parents and let them help her. They were probably better qualified to do so anyway.

It's a hard-learned lesson for sure, and I'm still not 100% back to my old self. I did find myself missing my GMing days, though. I think this is a good sign that I'm recovering. :)

[morvelaira]

I am not into cutting, nor have I ever been. I just want to lay that out now.

But, I do have my own challenges with depression and unhappiness. I have good days, I have bad days, and the bad days can be very bad. I don't /think/ I have quite the hair trigger as finite describes, but I do know my reactions can be very surprising sometimes. I hate what it does to those around me when I lose it. I hate the feeling in my gut of holding it in to spare them. I don't have my answers yet, but I'm trying to find them.

Mainly, I just want to say to Finite, Sterling, and FC that I appreciate what you've gone through for them. If they're worth their salt, they appreciate it too once they see what's going on. I appreciate all the work and discomfort my husband's gone through for my problems, and the thing I pray for the most is to find the balance to make it all work and have the both of us come out in one piece - and I'm not particularly prone to prayers in the first place.

In short - you all are mensches. Big thumbs up.

[finite8]

So yeah man...big bro hugs there. It's been my belief ever since going through that, that insanity can actually be contagious with prolonged and intimate exposure.

I'll drink (responsibly) to that mate.

I am not into cutting, nor have I ever been. I just want to lay that out now.

But, I do have my own challenges with depression and unhappiness. I have good days, I have bad days, and the bad days can be very bad. I don't /think/ I have quite the hair trigger as finite describes, but I do know my reactions can be very surprising sometimes. I hate what it does to those around me when I lose it. I hate the feeling in my gut of holding it in to spare them. I don't have my answers yet, but I'm trying to find them.

Mainly, I just want to say to Finite, Sterling, and FC that I appreciate what you've gone through for them. If they're worth their salt, they appreciate it too once they see what's going on. I appreciate all the work and discomfort my husband's gone through for my problems, and the thing I pray for the most is to find the balance to make it all work and have the both of us come out in one piece - and I'm not particularly prone to prayers in the first place.

In short - you all are mensches. Big thumbs up.

Thanks! But don't think you're cutting in. It's good that the way we've described it is correct. It means we, as a society are finally getting a grasp on this stuff. Being able to talk openly about it, being able to see the patterns and being prepared to go "Yeah. I need help" and "Yeah, i understand what you're going through" is fucking awesome! It brings a tear to my eye thinking about the dark ages where poor depressed people had holes drilled in their heads. Or even the early psychology days were they "Tapped" with a hammer to try and fix the mental problem. It's so good that we are at the stage of being able to share our experiences, and not be treated like freaks. Win for the Internet there. TBH, i really don't think we would have gotten as far as we have now without this medium of everyone communicating freely together.

Don't give up searching Morv!

In the end I too had to learn the lesson of self-preservation, called her parents and let them help her. They were probably better qualified to do so anyway.

God, i wish that had been a solution but they were half the problem. I mean, when she was in school she wrote a suicide note. Her mother found it. Guess what she did?

She yelled at her. Told her off for being an idiot and to not do it again or else. That was it. Fucking retards! Eventually, after more problems she took her to a GP (old guy apparently) who was the first to write it off as Daddy issues. Told her to toughen up and gave her some very light medication.

A few years ago, she finally told her parents about what she went through. Our hospital visit, the scar on her arm, the medication, everything. Neither of them have asked her about it once. No "How are you feeling?" or "Is everything okay?", nothing.

I totally understand why some people just give up. When you're eternally alone in the inner cloud of hell, and every attempt to reach for help only gets your fingers burned, you find whatever solution you can. I just hope that everyone knows that they don't have to be alone in it.



Big hugs y'all.

[Vellt480]

Well, when I feel down I -like panda- bake something like cookies. Or I watch something to get my mind of it. After that I face why I feel like this.